Monday, May 30, 2011

speechless with sorrow

How is it one can love to the point that it hurts so deeply? Through many years of personal experience it is true; hurt people - hurt people. Maybe because when one truly loves another, it is where the tongue can be so powerful whether unintentionally or not; their true feelings are exposed. Maybe even at other moments there come times of bottled up pain towards someone and it is displayed - the result, shocking. Today has been one of those days. Shock, sorrow, unending tears of disbelief and grieving that I have experience more than I would care to in my short life. I have never claimed to be perfect but I have exposed myself vulnerable by my expressed journey, revealing my shortcomings through my transparency of personal learning's and today it all has come crashing down on me for sharing what I am learning in you my own life. What are they, these lessons have brought an incredible strike to the heart.

Lessons through transparency that I'm learning I expose by pen or typed blogging; then sharing it in writing- because that is where the Lord is leading me and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g me at the present moment and time. On this electronic thing called blogging (whether here or on another technology source) recently has brought much sorrow and pain. Gosh, it cuts much deeper than any knife could strike a death blow.

Have you ever in your life had a very serious injury to discover you were bleeding profusely, maybe to death (figuratively speaking)? Well that is my heart right now. BLEEDING PROFUSELY through some serious words received. I've been praying, praying and praying for sincerely sought guidance. My lessons entrenched with severe pain at the moment. Moment of anguish. Moment of shock. Moment of desired peace. Revelation of things not even known how the individual really felt, dully noted after being made clearly known - has left this heart breaking from revealed sources of bottled up pasts. oh my, thrice before has this type came passing through and each time battle wounds engaged in the most severe way. The hurt wanting to stop, of a desire to mend. With time - maybe the misunderstanding will be amended. But unknown as to when, I am momentarily praying for the metaphorical bleeding to stop flowing from the death blown strike that has pierced my heart very seriously.

All I can do is depend on the Savior to regain my strength. This fourth blow to the heart; crucially serious and in need for healing. Today has left me in deep anguish emotionally, physically, spiritually - why? Because one is hurting and the reception of that hurt has landed here upon my heart with very serious allegations. But I will continue to still love because i do care even though the allegation have expressed otherwise, even though it has been expressed that I do not - i do.

1 comment:

Keely Brooke Keith said...

Oh, Sweetie, I know that kind of wound! It is all consuming and often haunting. You are right that you must depend on the Savior. Let Him BE your strength!