Tuesday, February 22, 2011

When it is hard

1 Corinthians 12:12

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.

Lately the Lord has really been working on my heart in so many ways. Love, FORGIVENESS, TRUST, forgiveness, trust. Yes it is a ride that has and must lean only on the only one that truly matters. As I was Growing up, in a home that family meant everything for one side but full of a lost life and a dysfunctional habitual lifestyle in the other, understanding love had many questions. God, praise Him, was the seeker of my soul, heart and all of me. Hasn't he always been since the beginning of time, for everyone in creation and time? Okay I am rambling.

It has taken so much out of me to try and even understand the Grace and Mercy he extends to EVERYONE, and how much he loves me. When my own earthly father couldn't express love verbally, even emotionally and no where possible physically, because he didn't know how to experientially since he didn't "grow up that way", it was hard to understand that Abba could possibly love me. Oh but what a joy to discover HE does love me, YOU, all of us. So Little did I realize that it would be a hard and difficult road to accept true love from others, especially later in life after walking in Jesus Christ.

But the hardest part was when I was hurt by those in the flesh, after I put all of my heart into trying so hard to trust, love and forgive. I am reading a book right now that is rekindling some emotions and maybe some memories that have been locked away for a very long time and thought forgotten, tied to being protective to the point of not letting anyone in or even hurt me.

When it is hard to understand that "hurt people, hurt people" it took everything possible to love as Jesus was teaching me. Sometimes individuals hurt others and it is intentional, However other times it is very UN intentional. So I have come to my knees and bent them seeking the Lords' assistance to truly let go of experiential pasts; both before finding Jesus Christ and especially after discovering him and trying very hard at living with him. When we repent and come to a full understanding of forgiveness through Christ it is freeing because with out it, there is no trust.

TRUST. Wow it isn't easy to trust when the experiences have been difficult. When it is hard because we have been hurt by those we love so dear to us, I mean truly love. The kind of Love the world doesn't understand, that is Not an Eros love, not a Phileo love, but those we think we agape love. The word of God is LIVING and ACTIVE and now it has been made very plain and simple that I need to forgive a few individuals with everything I possess. Those that I didn't realize until recently, that it hasn't been done completely.

It isn't easy but it is most definitely NECESSARY! Otherwise it gives a foothold that has no business growing a seed that can lead to death. I know this conviction is coming because He knows I am ready to go head on deal with it. I also know He is right here by my side, holding my life in his hand, ready to catch me especially when it feels like I'll collapse. I KNOW HE LOVES me so tenderly and never will leave me. So when it is hard I will turn to him, get up, smile and rest upon Him for strength so that I can be who I am with His purpose, living my life as He has always intended me to live. To laugh again, smile again, LOVE FULLY again while and after healing in forgiveness and beginning to trust once more, getting through the past of long ago and recently, to walk and enjoy the present even when it is hard. It will come.

Love, forgiveness and trust come and meet me with Wisdom, Discernment
even when it is hard. So I can live as Your Bride.

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