Why?

Lately my days are filled with a question that children usually ask, "Why? . . . Yes but - Why?"

Oh my bible reading has really convicted me lately between the what may and can seem like like mundane 'daily' routine. Is it barometric pressure changes in the seasons that effects everyone? Is it the economy? Is it the 'election 2008? Is it . . . (you fill in the blank)?

But as I have been reading I realize it is a condition of the heart trying so hard to be filled with everything but what truly matters. A life of Truth, through the GRACE and MERCY of Jesus Christ the ONLY WAY to truly LIVE! YIKES . . . did I say that? Yep I did.

Oh our home has been on kind of a roller coaster (of majority female emotions at every level -or us anyway) but I realize that it is because all of our walks with the Lord are maturing at different levels which can cause unnecessary impatience with those we love the dearest. (Boy is Satan alive and well, isn't he.) My heart breaks because every morning we sit down and have a family devotion but boy have we been not sincere from the heart. Emily asked my just tonight, "Mommy, what?" to which I asked "What do you mean Emily?" she then was quiet for a moment that seemed like an eternity and replied " - things are just different lately, Mommy. I just don't understand . . . " 'WHAT?' " She made me think. She said that she was sad that our family doesn't seem right. Why we don't act like we really do "Love Jesus this week - we are . . . well not showing LOVE and getting really unkind here at home." Well if that didn't scream OUCH!!! :-( I gave her a huge hug and said, "Emily, I Love You and everyone - Thanks for caring enough to share your concern. :-) Let go to bed - okay?" sending her back to bed a third time with another hug and kiss.

It is true. lately . . . we are being tested. WHY? Yes, but Why?

Because he, the Lord Jesus Christ loves us and is allowing us to each come to him on our own. You know . . . we are responsible to share the gospel in every aspect but after that we each are only responsible for our own walk with the Lord. So I have been realizing even more - I can't make my girls Love Jesus Christ because it is their choice to truly choose him. You know Sunday night a special young man made a statement, "are we really listening? You know what is our communication like with our relationships? Communication is the Key." As I sat and listened to him than after reflecting on listening to the word of God's truth this last week and listening to her simple evaluation this evening - We all make time for What really matters to us and we communicate clearly with those around that matter. Communication!!! Why? Because it is vitally important to us - That's why.

Why don't we give the Lord that importance? Really. I wonder why or why we don't. People can't seem to live with out our cell phones, IMing, or TEXTing CONTINUALLY but will forget to read the bible at huge segments at a time and then we wonder why we are so out of sorts (so to speak). We will never talk to friends or treat them like we would those we live with but is it okay to communicate frustration and not Love? Those who have been "In Love" . . . do you remember all the efforts made to talk to the one that made us "crazy" in every way and it made us make every attempt possible to keep that relationship going? It made our heart and adrenaline pump! Remember? So Why do we not live that way with the Lord, Jesus Christ? WHY?

Lately this relationship that I have been having has been making me change. Is it good? Yes. Is it easy? No. Why? Because next to him - there is great room for evaluation and true improvement - that makes me grumpy because I am seeing how selfish I truly am and through that discovery He shed some light that that has been my idolatry-(selfishness). YIKES.

"Why? Yes but Why?" Thanks again Emily for allowing me to evaluate after a tough two weeks that it is all about the LOVE of Jesus Christ being my focus for improvement. Time is too short not to accept that and to not communicate with him daily how much I really want to Know him because HE is the TRUTH, the WAY and the LIGHT and no one shall come to the Father accept through HIM! Because He LOVES ME and EVERYONE who is willing to FULLY SURRENDER TO HIM and not our self.

Yes - that is the WHY!!!

Where does time go?

Remembering when I was "much younger" I used to think "grown ups were weird and 'losing their minds' " when they made the comment, "Where does the time go?" or "Boy time sure does fly by" & "enjoy them now because before you know it, they're (your children) gone."

Now just a few years later and as a parent, it is so true and I giggle to think, "where did ALL that time Go?" because now, married to the only man I ever dated; who shared all of my "firsts" for (almost & very soon)21 years, & have four beautiful girls who's lives are flying by me and looking at my 'little women' with no regrets but wishing I could have MORE time with them all! I pray now more fervently then ever before on their behalf knowing it is time for them to soon fly solo. Life is a whirl wind and my deepest desire is that they really see the importance of "who they are in Jesus Christ"!

Mya. So quick to want to grow up and be totally independent in so many ways. Not realizing time is quickly flying by for her also. I pray for her so much differently - then even just this summer. Her walk to be stronger, to be a pillar or light house & that she continues to give God all the Glory in everything and not be sidetracked with the world's messages, such as, "why are you trying so hard to fit it, when you are meant to stand out?" from one of her favorite movies quotes. :-) She is definitely gifted with leadership abilities, and it will be very interesting to see how the Lord will allow her to be grown. :-) I know God will use her~and is using her. :-)

She is about ready to fly. Where did it go?

Tia. She has grown up very quickly also. She is her own person :-) and her personality stands on it's own - where she is TIA KLUNDT and known for being herself, not any ones, sibling or child. I like that about her. She to is independent and has done quite well with her new adjustments to the new & very large Sr. High school atmosphere. She works very hard at school and puts forth hard work to just BE. :-) She has also blossomed to a beautiful young lady also. :-)

Oh yes I pray for her much differently now. For her to remain faithful to her goals spiritually (especially since she just shared the depth of her desires this year - huge for her since she is VERY PRIVATE!) since she has let me into a very intimate part of her soul. :-). Her convictions are definitely her own -AWESOME - and her whit makes me laugh! It is great to see her back to her old self but with maturity. She is a Joy - just like her names sake & finally healed from a past circumstances, returned spiritually with depth and character.

Faith. Really breaking out of her shell is just begun but she is ready to start a new season of life's wonders with her personality. She definitely has spirit that is for sure. :-) She has a very large calling and gifts of evangelism and quite frankly - it will be intriguing to see what the Lord is going to do with that also. Her and her older sister are so much like one another that it is uncanny, yet where they are different - it's head spinning. Faith has a drive in some areas, that led correctly can be maybe unstoppable, unimaginable. She is on the verge of an explosion from childhood to growing up. Yikes ( in some ways) and "watch out and this could be interesting." :-) Her faith is deep and at times amazing to witness, she memorizes like her daddy and loves bible stories. Her personality sometimes is very 'grown up' and other times still raw - no need to rush it though.

Emily. :-) Very loving and every now and then ornery ;-D. She still has the biggest heart I've EVER seen (I've seen a heart like hers Once before in my entire life)! She definitely blows mine OUT OF THE WATER. I love her compassion beyond compare. Her little life is FULL. She can get under her sisters skin and sadly she is loosing that special age of innocence faster than I care to see - where did all the time go? (I ask again). She wrestles with herself lately much more than I care to experience to the point it makes me hurt. A little edgy maybe. Will she be the next mother Teresa? Will she go to a far off land, or near and minister in what way? Her hands and her heart are still very eager to LOVE in ways that truly humble me. So I pray for protection over her in that area.

Many times I realize that I am truly Blessed from Heaven with the lives given. I also know that they will be "Wonderful Women of Faith" and can hardly wait to see what the Lord will do with their lives. I love them more than words could truly express and I am ready like Hannah to give them to the LORD knowing they truly belong to him, they are given me to take care of for such a short time. Abba where has all the time gone that you, YAHWEH have given to me called "life".

I can tell you where all the time has gone. On bended knees, ever since we discovered of each of their conceptions, imploring that my children would "KNOW - Jesus Christ; the Way, the Truth and the Life, - much more intimately than I with everything possibly way available."

I pleaded that he would allow me to be the pioneer for them, to be the beginning of generations of blessings and released from my generational life without him! And when looking through many areas I ask myself . . . Where did all the time go? Prayer and petition for new life for the children granted to us to be pillars and followers of Jesus Christ - heirs for eternity. Thank you for the Time Father God, my Abba - Thank you!

It isn't always what it seems

You know after reading a lot of scripture this week it amazes me how we as "a people" gripe and complain. About almost everything. It broke and breaks my heart.

Why is it so easy to be negative? Why do we complain instead of REJOICE in Christ. It is amazing how much we use the tongue opposite of what the Lord Jesus Christ intended us to use it. Then . . . before we know it YIKES! "What you find on your heart, you find on your tongue, once it gets into your mind the journey's just begun." . . . unknown. That is so true. So I choose to try and read more and put into practice what I have learned from scripture. Boy do I have a long way to go but that is my goal and true desire.

Maybe we should try and have a "Polly Anna attitude" although it is idealistic it is not all that realistic. Ideally it is possibly though because in Christ "All things are possible." We should be lifting one another up like Paul mentioned in scripture. Don't we all really desire that truly? I do - NOT FLATTERY but true uplifting! You know there is some struggles and some suffering but doing good for the benefit of the Kingdom is the best thing ever! Many times we are so quick to tear one another down especially our brothers and sisters - because of our "pet peeves" maybe we should stop petting them so much and we won't get peeved!!! Are we forgetting that we should be living quite differently than the world? Aren't we just temporarily just passing through anyway? I'm a visitor hear on earth and my true desire is to be different than the rest of the world so that when I go home the glory is given all to him.

I like the quote from Henry Ford, "The man who says he CAN'T and the man that says he CAN are both correct~!" Therefore, "I CAN do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me strength" and that includes being positive. I have a lot to do starting NOW. :-) Have a great one!

I Know YOU CAN!!!! :-)

Too weird.

Today was a weird God incidence kind of day. Okay those who fellowship with us every Sunday need to know that Kent and I DID NOT compare notes about the heart! YIKES!!!

Okay Abba, I heard you but I really didn't know that you were going to have Kent talk even louder to me with everything about the Heart!

If that wasn't a message to "speak Lord for your servant (Ana-Maria Rosine Torrez de Klundt) IS LISTENING!!!" I was amazed when we were coming home today and discussing then I asked okay did you read my blog last night? When he said no he hasn't been able to read it for a few days; I know the Lord wants me to hear!

When was the last time something like that happened to you when you had multiple messages speaking to YOU and watch out?

Head or Heart

Lately the Lord has really challenged me and also reminded me of something from memory at the same time. What good does it do to have all the knowledge in the world but have a bad heart. There are three examples to illustrate that question.

No heart, A Whole heart & 1/2 a heart. Yes it is amazing to me. Last night after our precious daughter turned in for the night and let us know she was home safely, I was awakened shortly after all the lights were out. Tossing and turning I finally awoke. I started thinking about "hearts" of man. Scripture shares so much about the heart, which tends to be negative. Jeremiah 17 says "the heart is deceitful above all things who can fathom it" and the gospels reveal "where your heart is there your treasure will be also". Proverbs is loaded with wisdom. But when scripture refers in a positive manner it is connected to those close to Him. See on our own we are . . . well frankly put . . . FULL OF OURSELVES! Ouch! But as I read scripture more, I realize that by his grace I can choose to have NO HEART, 1/2 a HEART or a WHOLE HEART after His heart!!!! Is it hard? YES!!! Is it worth the work? YES!!! Is it worth the transplant? YES!!!

Go to the Old Testament and you'll see these hearts illustrated. Samuel is an text with amazing illustration. Saul - Yikes looks like he may have had a heart but really had NO HEART for God, Solomon almost had it, but gave it up for the pleasures of the world (just read Ecclesiastes) so he had 1/2 a heart for God then realized later in life it seemed meaningless at what he attempted. And then there is David - "the Man after Gods' own heart" just read I Sam. 13:14. not to mention some other men like Enoch and Elijah who were amazing~It is all in the God Breathed, inherent Holy Scripture.

When I place my devotion in him my heart is going through the fire and the dross is being scraped off each and every time. Oh it hurts yet it seems lighter. So much of me is being put through the healing of the transplant; so to speak, but when I read, meditate and try and apply what scripture reveals to me, I see I am his recipient of that open heart transplant, it I needed it. The one who died so that I may have His heart was really young, 33 to be exact. My chest beats with a new heart and the medication I take and will continue to have the privilege to take for the rest of my life in order to fully live is . . . 66 doses -Scripture, administered in small doses daily. I need it in order to live and when I don't, boy I can feel the effects because my body starts to try and reject this wonderfully strong, young and awesome heart. It took almost 18 years for this transplant to take place but now that I have this heart I have much to be Praiseworthy for.

One time when we were going through a questionable rough spot and humanly speaking -thinking we needed way more knowledge to amount to anything for living, a very dear brother, leader friend of ours told us that many "men" (mankind) have knowledge, pedigrees, etc. and still miss the target. Why? Because their hearts are hollow-empty of what truly matters. He than told us that he would choose a man with a heart for spiritual truths over a man with all the Knowledge in the world - any day. Now nearly 20 years later - I want to Thank this brother for his wisdom in what matters most - Truth & wisdom to be A man after God's own heart - Amazing and untouchable because of the presence of Jesus Christ who gave up his life for me and for YOU~!!!

So I ask you, Where is YOUR heart? Let him give you his because it is worth every once!