embraced

The cool morning comes so early, her sweet little voice sounds like a dream, "Mama, . . . mama, . . . MOMMY!" Her mother quickly throws off the warmth of the queen comforter and arouses abruptly desiring her to remain pleasant. Her head spins and causes a reaction of dizzy confusion trying to get everything situated about her feet and minds uncertainty.

It contains a brief disillusionment upon awakening the senses. The doorway, hallway and the opening of her room seems like the eye of a needle. Gosh is this like "vertigo" or what it is like before one passes out cold? Oh no, no it is just shooting out of bed way to rapidly and the spin of the mind catching up at a much slower pace as the limbs react sluggishly no where near being cognitive of the environment or the familiar surroundings. She tries eagerly to reassure the wee little princess, picks her up and caresses her with a warm hug. A hug that is easily returned but with her entire little body from the souls of her feet up to the tip top of her head, grasping with the intensity of a strong death grip of assurance knowing they possess a bond of LOVE that carries comfort for both.

Her body slowly rocks her while they return to bed and whisper sweet secrets of "I LOVE YOU," then the warmth of the bed embraces them both trying to soothe them to fall rapidly back to sleep in one an other's arms. May that sweet short moment forever be carried in that precious chubby cheeked cherubs heart and subconsciousness to know just how loved she truly is but even grander from the Lord of lords her creator. She snuggles close to her wee little princess and she melts in a soft pile with a gentle smile reaching for her parents to touch their skin.

Her smile comes to mind and her relaxed body shares her assurance in the dark of an all encompassing true love. Sweet little girl, her mama desires to whisper, "Rest in the embrace we call "LOVE" just like your sisters all did at this age also. Today was a total sweet embrace of joy." Leaving them both to dream once again.

life

Life

beginning, end

dreams, focuses, visions

fast, slow

Life

24-1+5 = joy

Twenty four hours that are cut short by one hour added with a quotient of five equally inequitable memories that are truly priceless. Four of five sisters enjoy one another and the company, the excitement of one set of eyes, eager to share a new world peeking through her life brings smiles and imprints for many hearts.

The hair is let down and brutal honesty can create a bond that is unable to be broken.

Here is just a peak.

But we are missing two to make a wonderful seven to complete us all!

be still and listen in the moment of shock

The spirit of God has been moving again. This time I called each and everyone of those productive spiritual movements to follow through in a phone call. I LOVED getting to talk to my mommy, now called marmie.

I couldn't understand, maybe I need to just be reminded to call her and tell her "I LOVE YOU MOMMY!" (yes I still call her mommy, mamasita, marmie) I thought I have been led because of loosing Mom K on this side of heaven and not telling her enough that I love her thinking I have "enough time to do that". But lately it has been different. Mom has been on my thoughts. Will I take care of her like I experienced my very unselfish sister in Love doing? Well I called her like I have been, once a day. But today it was the third call. I asked, "Mom, are you okay? How are you really doing?" I heard in a calm voice. "well, I went to the neurosurgeon and I am scheduled to have a procedure, a brain surgery on November 20. I have what is called Chiaris'." She began trying to describe to me what it is exactly and I listened but drifted. Shock mode kicked in and I leaned upon the Lord. "Open my ears, ABBA please. Help me to hear what she is saying. Help me to lean on you, trust you and allow me to be free to be scared IN YOUR ARMS so that I may draw upon your strength." Okay so marmie was born with it. Along with both of my living aunts and a few second and third cousins. Is it serious? Yes. Is it operable? Yes. Is it risky? Yes. It is hereditary. . . ..

I heard her, and I became frustrated with so many questions. Why didn't they find this earlier? Was it necessary for her to go through all these moments of the doctor(s) saying the past eight to ten years, " . . .. there's nothing we can do, we can't find anything, you are fine, maybe you have . . .." The the Holy Spirit reassured me to Be still Ana-Maria and LISTEN. Then give praise to the King of kings during the next moment when by yourself during the ten minutes up to bible study as you drive north when you drop off Em. Remember, He allowed it to be diagnosed now! The neurosurgeon is going to be of assistance. He is one with success because the Lord has allowed it. She is going to be in the Lord's hands. This to will be in the measure of His Glory to be revealed and used for His purposes.

I have the rest and assurance of peace. Everything is in His control, yesterday, today and tomorrow. "Holy, Holy, Holy, are YOU ALONE Lord God, Almighty. Who was, who IS and who is TO COME! YOU ARE HOLY!"

Thank You for your arms wrapped around my precious first LOVE! I am so grateful for you being in My LIFE and placing me in your life and Loving me with your undying compassion.

one step leads me

One step at a time. The rustle of the leaves. The sound and smell of autumn. Um mm. I will forever recall the walk in Bettendorf with six others. The cool breeze, the rustle of leaves, the sound of laughter, the sprinkler spraying water, the side walk run off dripping into the street. The shuffle of Papa's steps.

Tonight brought back last Wednesday late afternoon leading into the early evening. Hadassah laughing at the playground, the teasing and giggles of her voice while making the bridge bounce on the play equipment. It is the change of colors upon the trees in the mid west. Deep oranges, cool auburn's, greens, golds and reds. Amazing how the season so quickly transformed before my eyes. No rose colored glasses. Just the reality of transition of another season that carries a sweet memory.

One step at a time we heal and discover the joy in the midst sorrow through peace. Family equals LOVE. No matter how much we realize it, family is sweet. We are grafted in to the true vine and have the capability to produce fruit that matters. Fruit carried by promise, hope, peace and real joy to grant a harvest of love though His blood. The earth and all it's creation here in the bible belt is getting ready to sleep and slumber like a bear in hibernation. The coat grows thick, the leaves fall down and blanket the earth, the blood thickens and the eyes grow weary ready to slumber. One step forward giving way to the cool crisp air bringing in change. Our change has been significant for our family. Through this time our hope lies in the hands of the wonderful tender hands of the King, one step at a time. The one step that leads me and comforts me is the one to know and believe that God is good ALL the TIME, All the time God is GOOD!

At The Foot Of The Cross . . . my heart

A new day, a new look. There is so much to be said about new visions. I realized this weekend just how much I have been set free from the most ugly thing called sin because of a man who gave his unending Love! That same man carried our family through one of the most unifying moments to this point. Reflection is, how many moments do we have to say THANK YOU for a breath. How many of us can see the grace, and mercy when they meet suffering?

On our way home I realized just how beautiful living for Christ is! Our memories together, our tears that fell at the foot of the cross. A phone call, a young man offered to bring our precious Mya home. We drove away from family once again NOT taking them for granted while waving. Three awaiting our return with the baby. Tears, many tears silently fall. We all arrive and it is "different" she says. Short visit. But seven once again we are all together at home. Twenty three of us all together, missing two, while we unite to celebrate her day. Six weeks that were bringing us all to appreciate Love, Family - one another~!

As our little one was taken to his home to return her to college . . . ache. We can not await the moment to visit but this was different. Tough. My heart couldn't reach out enough, but our embrace everlasting. At the foot of the cross I lay her down. Knowing HE is in control of LIFE and our living for HIS GLORY!

The desire is for her to see it is really ALL ABOUT HIM at the foot of the cross. Value, significance and LOVE is only truly FIRST FOUND in HIM. There is only ONE who needs to find and win your heart that matters, so Seek Him with a whole heart and YOU shall find HIM. To her invitation: look at the foot of the cross, there is Peace, Joy but ultimately . . . TRUE LOVE that awaits you & is only found here!

Julie

September third to October thirteen is a short walk to deal with the fight through renal cell carcinoma. What an awful ugly disease. One of my nephews had an in prompt to speech assignment Tuesday morning and he began it by selection number thirteen, his football jersey number, to select the topic - "cancer." His opening, "CANCER SUCKS! . . . " then gave his three minute oration. Why do I open this way? Because Julie did everything she could to make Mom comfortable to her moment to be fully healed IN HEAVEN.

Where do I begin? Where did it begin? The actual reality of diagnosis came the haunting morning of September 3rd. The day my niece was getting married. Mom K was already in much pain, and that morning it was the pain of shock twelve years after battling breast cancer, that she was given the diagnosis that changed our family and our future. From the moment Julie arrived off the plane from Iowa to go to Alizabeth's wedding, Julie nurtured Mom K twenty four seven. She never left her side and we all came together UNIFIED! Today just for a moment here is a moment to express my love to everyone called my "In - Loves!"

Her care from the get go ~ AMAZINGLY TENDER! One week later she flew Mom K home to where a fabulous team of specialist made Mom K a priority, because of Julies unending persistence to find a way. Did it feel like it was taking long? Sure, we were fighting for her life and Julie fought with a vengeance to the point of a deep compassion. The family came together IMMEDIATELY. Julie became Mom K's lifeline, her hands, her feet, her eyes, her care giver 24/7. The boys pulled together along side her and Aunt C. John caring for Dad K in Arizona, Keith daily support to Julie, and Kent driving back and forth every week to bring support. They came together along with ALL of our family. The McCannons' and many beautiful people gave so much. We thank them all! As I watched Julie and her love with Mom K with tenacity and compassion through each gentle caress, assistance, sleep, feeding, bathing, cooling her, administering medications. She loved with a "mother's heart" to the woman who nurtured her and her brothers with the same undying touch.

Her hands gave unceasingly like an RN and a MD embedded with compassion, much like I know that Jesus' loving hands were when he was here on this earth. Her Love along with Aunt C to tenderly bathe her, and take care of her complexion, nurture her physical comfort. She reminds me of a book I remember from my past, that soon will be my Thank You note.

Julie, Mom passed peacefully because of your administering her comfort in every way. Even in the midst of pain, Mom received peace from here to Have fulfilled healing into Jesus' hands to take a deep breath and gently release to walk with HIM ETERNALLY. She is healed and pain free once and for all through your physical care.

Walking streets of Gold

She is HOME fully Healed with the LORD @ 8:46 p.m.

Lifehouse - Broken

HE LEADS ME - for Mom K

Today she is regal in her blue. She is crowned with His glory and we awaiting her arrival HOME. She will be missed greatly but will call her joyful! She is so precious! So much has taken place since we celebrated her October 10. We gathered and sang with her. Her Family of 25 call her Blessed! We Love Her! We released her! We WORSHIPPED one more time with her! It was a Beautiful WORSHIP and Birthday Celebration! Her Family gave all we had. John began with an opening prayer. Her Grandchildren going to college read scripture. The Guitar played and we gave our hearts as one Celebrating her life.

Tears flowed but we gave our all before the King, praising him for Her. Yes time is but a midst but her midst watered us with the fragrance to walk with Jesus. I wish you could see her Bible! Her shorthand notes through out the entire Scriptures.

As I write this the family talked of Lead Me by Sanctus Real. Yes he is leading her. Awaiting to extend his chalice to her one more time on this side of heaven and when she accepts it she will drink it with Him in Heaven when we are all united. He is calling his bride and she will walk with Him in His Glory fully healed and a Heavenly survivor of that awful disease cancer! May His Glory be revealed as she sees him and says with Him, "Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty! It is so glorious to be here with YOU!"

Lead Me by strong Hands . . . show me . . . . Mom K He is extending his hands to you and you are not alone! We are going to be okay. We WILL SEE YOU again soon! And when we see you again it will seem like YESTERDAY! Let him grab your hand. It is okay, it really is we are ready. Love You MOM K

B-Day Wish

Happy Birthday MOM K!!!!

We are ALL HERE for YOUR DAY TODAY!

When it hurts there is LOVE

When LOVE hurts. Why does Love hurt? To desire to hang on yet know it is best to let go? Mom Your still so beautiful. Beautiful blue eyes, creamy milk soft hands, very warm smile, and the most beautiful white crown of glory!!!! It is amazing how we can laugh together, cry, and reminisce. We know with every breathe we are truly grateful. We so sincerely anticipate a wonderful reunion when you go home but it is so hard to know our time is limited.

The laughter of the Family, the quiet time of making it still a joy in the midst of our sorrow. The Lord promised, "blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." The only way that this happens is through Jesus Christ! Yes Jesus is the only way to appreciate LIFE fully. True peace only comes from a relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. As we talk and walk down memory lane we reflect on the time of our LOVE. The additions recently to our family.

We celebrated two graduations, two weddings and now we sit together to draw upon one another and our loving strength.

Rose Color is complementary

The Rose Color that is complementary

Upon arriving to the home, the Astro mini van rolls gently into park. The heritage of the youth of her grandchildren meander up the walk way, the door slowly opens and the warmth of LOVE fills the air to match the soft fragrance from the candles aroma wafting along each room guiding us to her room, all to comfort our hearts. The question comes to my mind, will we get to see her gentle frame in peace? Yes. Satisfying at my gaze where she lays. My eyes slightly water. Her complexion is the most beautiful radiant pink. My legs feel like jello as my feet saunter slowly to the bed side. Her eyes slightly opened and her skin is as soft as the smoothest babies bottom. She is adorned in a wonderful rose color top. Upon seeing her my desire is to sit by her, touch her hand and lean over to let her know we’re here. The girls, my nephew and I made it to see her. My voice can’t seem to escape at first. Then it trikles to but a whisper … . my voice expresses to her, “Mom, it’s Ana-Lou, I am here, you look so BEAUITIFUL this morning. I LOVE YOU Oh by the way you are radiating in the rose pink top you are wearing.” Then with a smile slightly forming on her face her eyes slightly open one further and I get to see a gentle sliver of those wonderfully breath taking blues. (Side note) I LOVE EYES if that is being discovered for the first time while you are reading this blog.

I have loved her eyes since I first met her in the mid eighties. They are a brilliant cascade of blue like the open clear ocean rolling softly across the white sand on the “Blue Lagoon” in the Bahamas along Nassau. Every time I saw them I was captivated. I still am. Okay so my one wish left before she is perfectly healed is to see them fully one more time. To be captivated with the windows to her soul, like so many times before over the past quarter of a century of my life with her. However short it may be around her twenty five years, yet I know that even if that doesn’t happen then I will keep that forever in my heart.

Her hands, oh these precious hands, gently curled, She has taught me through many laughter spells how to make her corn dressing. Since the first time I shared Easter 1986 with her while she tenderly showed me “the ho to’s “ of her favorite recipes, laughing at me and designating my nickname that came just from her. The way she took care of me when I got sick in her home away from my home. Yes these hands are so warm to my history.

She is a rose. Fragile yet strong. Set and blossoming. Her life is like a the rose colored top and it is very complimentary of her life. Thanks Mom K. We LOVE YOU!!!!!!

rose color is scheme is complementing

Upon arriving to the home, the astro rolls gentle into park. The heretage of the youth of her grandchildren meander up the walk way, the door slowly opens and the warmth of LOVE fills the air to match the soft fragrance from the candles aroma wafting along to comfort our hearts. Will we get to see her gentle frame in peace? Yes. Her complexion is the most beautiful radiant pink. Her eyes slightly opened and her skin is as soft as the most smooth babies bottom. She is adorned in a wonderful rose color top. My desire is to sit by her, touch her hand and lean over to let her know we're here. The girls and I made it to see her. My voice can't seem to escape at first. Then it trickles but a whisper . . . my voice expresses to her, "Mom, it's A-Lou, I am here. You look so BEAUTIFUL this morning. I LOVE YOU. Oh by the way you are radiating in the rose pink top you are wearing." Then with a smile slightly forming on her face her eyes slightly slit open and I get to yes see a sliver one more time of those wonderfully breath taking blues. (side note) I LOVE EYES if that is being discovered for the first time while you are reading this blog.

I have loved her eyes since I first met her in the mid eighties. They are a brilliant cascade of blue like the open clear ocean rolling softly across the white sand on the "Blue Lagoon" I once visited in the Bahamas along Nassau. Every time I saw them I was captivated. I still am. Okay so my one wish left before she is perfectly healed is to see them fully one more time. To be captivated with the windows to her soul, like so many times before over the past quarter of a century

Mixed emotions

It finally hit me last night. How could a win/win actually be this emotional. The tears finally rolled down these Spanish cheeks, flooding these chestnut browns with emotions put on hold for way to long. Like a child who just wants to be tightly embraced and to never be released. It went by to fast, yes way to fast. I hunger for your embrace ABBA. We were just beginning to renew some things of the past. We laughed a lot this 2010 summer. We just watched her enjoy pizza and her favorite cookie. The treatment was progressed forward just last week. Yesterday seems like just a blur. Yes a blur, WE LOVE HER! We love EACH OTHER.

The tie? A godly woman who bore four beautiful children has been BLESSED and is being called home. Never take it for granted ~ I have cried many tears over the past seeing those whom I love loose their loved ones very close to them. It broke my heart to see them in mourning. I felt helpless but prayed unceasingly. Now my Lover is experiencing who knows what along with his dad, brothers, sister and aunt. My sister in LOVE and I cried together. I so desire to hug my other IN LOVES and just be there with them to mourn while celebrating with Mom K until she is home.

My mommy used to say something in Spanish meaning along the lines; blood is thick, it equals family! Praise the Lord for his grafting is more than 'thick'. It is DEEPER and the roots can never be separated. I do Love her like I love my mama-sita and wish that we had MORE to make memories with. May she dance and her EYES glow again as she walks with JESUS! Her bible is worn and filled with the LOVE of her desire to KNOW THE MASTER! Your children and grandchildren call you blessed MOM K. It is with mixed emotions that this is written, I hope that I may hold your warm hand just one more time and whisper in your ears and maybe just maybe get to see those Brilliantly Blue EYES one more time before you walk in Heaven with the one I LOVE so tenderly. PST, will you please tell Jordan Micah to great Mom K with a hello for me and give the warmest hug you always extended to us through Mom K's Arms, Abba? Thank You Jesus that your answering our prayers and healing her perfectly. Oh and Thank you for the numbered days you have given us to enjoy the blessing of being "family" on this side of Heaven. I can hardly wait to see them again, but until then THANK YOU.

The very tender clay in Your Grip,

Your daughter ~

soft & radiant blue

His eyes were moist and very gentle. In his voice I can hear his sorrow yet the wonderful Peace from Heaven. His breath is even. His eyes the most beautiful sparkle blue, so similar to the woman who bore him. His pigmentation resembles the DNA passed amazingly on to him from his parents. He square jaw, his hands, his smile and his cheeks cascade with the care of a gentle hand like the one who held him as a babe.

Now his strength held with tender compassion, along with his brothers and his sister sit by awaiting the gentle flutter of the soul, to open her eyes and know that her children are there beside her along with her life mate of forty three years. He has been strong. He longs to talk to her, they all do. Just to tease her in their fun loving way. To make her laugh one more time with them. Their mom, his lover, her sister all await to tell her it will be okay. Her last few study times with him was sitting and enjoying Job. He clings to that memory with her. Just like the night she ate her veggie pizza from Papa John's, a sip of ice water to top it off with the softest flavorful oatmeal risen cookie, which is her favorite, that tasted so good to her.

He possesses so many similarities of her. The stride. His hands. His stare. His passion to read. His soft glowing embers of light painted a crisp cool blue, just like hers. They all carry a piece of her with in them. They embrace her and call her "Mom."

We desire to come and sing "Happy Birthday" to her on Sunday 10 October. Her life is weaved into ours with joy.

where and what is assurance in?

Assurance is only in one thing, and that is the assurance of Eternal Life to those who choose to follow the King of kings and the Lord of lords. The I AM, the Alpha and the Omega, He who is HOLY, HOLY, HOLY!

Time in one's vision is nothing in another individuals focus. But really we are but a midst. That but a blink and it is gone. Oh wow. My mind is racing. Really all of our days are numbered. But why do we as human beings think that we have all the time in the world to _______ (fill in the blank)? What matters really? Truth. The gospel message. LOVE!

When others can be so cruel with the tongue others are grasping to just to lavish their LOVE one more time to someone special. Why is it we get caught up in the petty moments that really don't matter and the moments that matter we take for granted? When we really LOVE someone, why don't we tell them so? Why do we wait? Why do we "play head games"? Why?

When do we reach out and Forgive? When it is almost to late or wish we could make amends when it is? Everyone desires to BE LOVED but are we willing to LOVE with out reciprocation? When we don't get "our way" do we mistreat others trying to make ourselves feel better while damaging a soul from our own selfish gain?

Maybe more of humanity should reach out like "Stephen" did and cry out, "Forgive them Lord, for they know not what they do." All while still LOVING them like Christ did Stephen gave his heart to the end. I know that I don't have a lot of time left really. My heart has been changing lately. Really reaching deep with in. Realizing that I need to forgive, truly forgive in order to truly LOVE! Now I LOVE PEOPLE, My marmie lives out that example everyday, and I try. The more I try, the more I realize how much further I have yet to LOVE and live it out. I can not even comprehend it all really. To smile, to shake a hand, to extend a hug, to laugh, to listen, to give the extra mile. You know, there really isn't enough time to be angry or bitter or unforgiving. Today, this very nano second may be my very last breath to exhale and live LOVE out in every possible way. The kind that flows so naturally out due to sitting with the master.

Sixty three years is really rather short. Because she lives with the most beautiful blue eyes, I am thankful she was able to be in our home. That I was able to care for her the way she cared for me when we first met and I became ill in her home. I loved the time to get to laugh by her bed side in the hospital room and see her reach out and touch Hadassah with a twinkle in her eyes. To remember each moment she laughed. To remember that we came together. To enjoy her walking so fast that she out paced her eldest sons stride, to see her ride "A HOG" with a nephew who survived a terrible motorcycle accident. To see her smile on her fortieth Anniversary with her four children and "Papa Clock". To hear her achievements of completing "The Bix" and PR'ing her time. Love. It is NEVER to late to Love unless one hasn't LOVED at all! I pray that when it is time for me to rest my head each day I can praise the Lord to have LOVED with everything I have in such a way that there is no doubt in my Abba Fathers eyes that he lives in me with every small itsy bitsy attempt. May I have wisdom enough to LOVE like He LOVES me to everyone around me in some way until it's time to come home. That my assurance is in Him, with Him and through Him that I LOVE recklessly.

Kari Jobe: You Are For Me

This video created by Kari Jobe is my shout out to my Lover and My Five Princesses created as HIS MASTERPIECES! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Thank You Keely for posting this. I LOVE YOUR FAMILY GIRL!

To someone who needs to hear me . . .

I LOVE YOU DOLLY! That phone conversation was very very special to your MUM! Forever, I'll LOVE YOU, As long as I'm Living, My baby you'll be!!!

Know that with out any hesitation as long as you hug that bear, Your MUM is hugging you back with my heart enclosed to show you I care! :-) It won't be long. "Shine for Jesus" still rings on our way out the door, So every morning hear me saying through the miles, "M_ _ _ _ _, Shine for Jesus!" ;-)

Love Ya - From the Bottom of My LIVER! ;-)

Gianna Jessen Abortion Survivor in Australia Part 1